


moon child

by yutamyboi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Drabble, M/M, Very abstract, a whole lot of nothing, there’s nothing particularly profound happening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:22:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28678077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yutamyboi/pseuds/yutamyboi
Summary: Yuta has always found his smile so sweet, the kind that makes him wish he was his first love.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Nakamoto Yuta
Kudos: 33





	moon child

**Author's Note:**

> i wish i knew what this was, but i don’t. it’s just a stream of thoughts that i wrote down in a single sitting which is, well, very obvious seeing how vague the setting and everything is. i’m sorry if you clicked on this. the day i get even the slightest push to write something a little longer than a drabble is when i’ll finally know peace.

The cool wind prickles Yuta’s skin, a dull reminder of yet another New Year’s away from Japan. He draws into himself, feeling a sudden onslaught of unbridled homesickness, like he always does around this time of the year. He leans back into the public bench he found refuge in, away from the party happening upstairs in his shared flat. He feels less alone when he’s all by himself in moments like these. He kicks at the snow collected underneath the legs of the bench as he mindlessly fumbles around in his pocket for a cigarette. He slips the stick between his teeth and brings the lighter close, flicking it on. It takes him a couple of tries more than usual, he grunts in annoyance. Reprieve finally comes to him when the harshness of the nicotine clings to his tongue and throat as he takes a long puff. He let’s it out, watching the smoke come out in small wisps in front of his mouth, moulding into nothingness. He doesn’t particularly like to smoke, hates the rancidness of the smell that sticks to his clothes long after, but right now distant thoughts are clouding his head, weighing his heart down instead. He’s tired. He wants to see his dog, ruffle her hair and tell her how good of a girl she is, when did his life become so not his that the most mundane of things have become something he can only wish for. 

He takes another puff, releasing the smoke out through his flared nostrils, the sound of the crunch of snow under shoes makes him look up. Jaehyun walks over to the bench and slips into place next to him, pulling a face, like he always does when he sees him smoking, “Was wondering where you disappeared,” he says, shifting in his place as he leans over. He plucks the cigarette out of Yuta’s hand before he can even bring it close to his lips for another pull. Jaehyun flicks the spent ash and takes a quick puff and drops the half burnt cigarette to the ground, crushing it under his feet. “Didn’t you say you quit,” he chides, exhaling the smoke. Only part of his face is illuminated by the flickering street lamp across them, casting an almost heavenly glow around them. Yuta is slightly surprised Jaehyun noticed his absence, but then again it’s Jaehyun, he knows Yuta and his sudden bouts of aloofness.

Jaehyun coughs into his palms, “What are you thinking about?” he asks, watching Yuta with careful eyes. 

Yuta doesn’t answer. He doesn’t know what exactly he’s thinking about either, Jaehyun closes his eyes, breathing in deeply, as if he has given up on an answer. The silence stretches out between them, he suddenly feels even colder, so he says, “Japan,” making Jaehyun flutter his eyes open, a stone rippling through still water. Yuta almost feels bad for disturbing him.

“Was wondering when I’d go back,” he whispers, hoping the ghosts of the city would carry his words and return with an answer, so silly of him, really. 

“You always visit your family during Chuseok,” he simply answers, although Yuta knows it’s more of a question than anything when he sees the confused look on Jaehyun’s face.

“When I’d go back to Japan. For good,” 

Jaehyun stiffens, raising from his slouched stance, “What do you mean you’re going back?” he blanches, face contorting in utter disbelief. 

Yuta let’s out a humourless chuckle, “I will not be able to do this for long,” he says with a finality that makes his own ears ring loudly. Jaehyun face evens out at that, his eyes roaming his face, desperately in search of something. Yuta wishes he could give it to him instead, but he doesn’t know, so he can’t. He escapes Jaehyun’s vice like grip on his face, “I’m not you,” Yuta says, his eyes drifting to the sky above them. He can’t see any stars, the thin layer of pollution covering them all, it’s honestly not fair, Yuta thinks.

“What?” Jaehyun asks, voice sounding tight, like he’s trying to keep it together.

“You know,” Yuta huffs, looking at the persistent brightness of the moon that cuts through everything, it’s beautiful in a way that he’s sure people would sit on this very bench and gape at it in awe a hundred years later. It suits Jaehyun he thinks, a warmth courses through him despite the weather. “You’re the moon child kind, made to shine forever,” Yuta on the other hand, is a shooting star, or so he thinks, spreading a burst of light in it’s wake, pretty for a while but dulling down eventually, not meant for timelessness. 

Jaehyun scoffs, and curls the stray threads on the hem of his jacket around his fingers, a contemplative look on his face. Yuta has given him a jigsaw puzzle to fix instead of an answer, but Jaehyun has always been so perceptive, so he knows that the crypticness of his words aren’t lost on him. 

“Yuta, you’re so,” he pauses, biting his lower lip nervously, “so free,” he finally says, mouth twisting to form a frown. A crater on the moon.

Jaehyun’s constant chase for perfection makes him hungry for anything that can even remotely aid him in setting himself off the path he’s so suffocatingly bound to. So, he revels in his friendship with Yuta. Yuta wonders how Jaehyun has never seen right through him.

“All this,” Yuta says, waving his hands at nothing in particular. The coloured hair, the piercings, the impulsive tattoos. “It’s all just me pulling rabbits out of hats in hopes of not burning out too quickly,” 

Jaehyun tries to run his hand through his hair, but instead knocks out the beanie he’s wearing. Before it slips onto the ground, Yuta catches and tucks it back in it’s place, fingers grazing Jaehyun’s very pink ears, Jaehyun places his hand on Yuta’s retreating one and brings them to his lap. He looks at him funny, like he’s planning on plucking himself off the vastness of the night sky and giving it all to Yuta. “Yet you’re so weightless. Free in ways I can only dream of being,” Jaehyun says, the wistfulness in his voice makes Yuta cower, and he finds it easier to look at his hand lying lax in Jaehyun’s. Jaehyun intertwines their fingers, “I long for it, it’s kind of pathetic,” He squeezes his hand, a period at the end of a sentence.

Oh.

Jaehyun tilts his chin up, maybe it’s the expression Yuta wears that makes him look so heartbroken, “Is it that hard to believe I like you?” Jaehyun asks, it’s so genuine that it twists Yuta’s heart. 

“It’s just, you’ve always been so faraway,” Yuta dumbly says, still reeling from the sudden confession.

“I’ve always been here,” Jaehyun replies, “You need not give me an answer right away,” he adds softly, his cheeks dusted red, he looks so cute that Yuta curls his toes. Maybe the forest treks Jaehyun had signed them up for, the way he’s always the first one to find him, the way his face lights up when he says even the most unfunny things, Yuta wonders how he never saw the affection, when it’s been this obvious. The realisation doesn’t hit him like a thunder during a rainstorm, it settles on his skin rather peacefully, like the first snow of winter and every calming nature metaphor he can come up with. He really doesn’t have to think about it. Yuta simply brings their interlocked hands close to his lips.

Jaehyun smiles at him, face so alive, that something slams down onto his heart, an ache blooming there, different from the one he was feeling earlier. Yuta has always found his smile so sweet, the kind that makes him wish he was his first love. If Jaehyun is selfish enough to search for freedom in him, Yuta thinks he can find a home in his smile. 


End file.
